Just Charlotte

When it comes to marketing, it is so important never to underestimate the importance of well-written copy. Now and then I come across a particular extract online which truly makes me cringe. Striking a successful balance when writing content aimed at fulfiling a specific goal (for instance attracting potential customers or flaunting a specific product) certainly isn’t an easy task but there are some companies which get it so glaringly wrong that any attempt to bond with consumers is undermined instantly.

I’m thinking about buying a flat in Leeds at the moment and, as such, spend most of my free time trawling through the web trying to find suitable apartments which meet all my needs (this is so far proving impossible). Today I came across a flat which, from a quick glance at the photographs, looked worth investigating further. However, after reading the horrific copy which accompanied the photos, my initial impressions were soured unalterably.

I’ve selected my personal favourite extracts, although I could have picked many, many more:

“Located in arguably the best location in Leeds City Centre this is a truly comfortable apartment.”

As an opening sentence, this isn’t exactly great. The assertion that the flat is situated in the “best location in Leeds City Centre” is undermined immediately by the inclusion of “arguably”. If you want me to be at all interested in this apartment, show some balls and make me believe it’s in a great location! Furthermore, I’m not sure I want to bother with a flat which is “truly comfortable”. “Truly” comfortable? Wow. I wonder what the difference between a comfortable and a truly comfortable flat is. “Truly exceptional” might hook me in… but I’m not sure I want to settle for something which is merely comfortable.

“The apartment is approached from The Calls by entering what is effectively a courtyard area taking you to a bridge crossing the canal to Brewery Wharf an ideal spot to spend a warm lazy weekend afternoon enjoying a serene libation, whilst recharging the batteries for the exersions of the evening entertainment.”

This is just shocking. Forget the utter disregard for any kind of grammar and focus instead on the sickening cliches which litter this copy. I’m not sure about you but I think I can imagine a few nicer locations to enjoy a “serene libation” (whatever that means) than a canal.

“The Palace Pub almost visible to the rear of the Church offers discerning consumers of beer and sausages a great start to appreciating the finer pleasures of the immediate vacinity whilst laboring over the conumdrum of the best lay out of your sofa’s tables and chairs.”

I’m not entirely sure where to start with this one. One thing’s for sure though: thinking about how to lay out some tables and chairs which apparently belong to your sofa really is quite a taxing issue. Indeed, the copywriter who produced this remarkable content seems to recognise the complexity of this matter, since this paragraph is concluded with this assertion:

“A truly vexing examination of your spacial awareness.”

Truly vexing indeed.

The careless nature of this content can also be seen in the Property Features section since, apparently, this apartment is within:

“Walking Distance To Everywhere”

Everywhere? Really?

I could go on and on here but I think I’ve made my point. I’m very grateful to whoever wrote this for giving me a laugh on a quiet Tuesday afternoon but if you’re going to make the effort to try to sell something, don’t undermine yourself before you’ve even begun.